umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
