giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
So vagazzling was a success
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
