Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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