You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
