I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
