Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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