Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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