The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
