College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
