How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
