just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
