i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
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