Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize
