i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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