we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Randomize
