That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
