remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Is it penis luge time yet?
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
Randomize
