You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
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