I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
