It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Randomize
