Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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