I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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