Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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