No awkward lesbian experiences without me
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize
