It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
