You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
