i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
