I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Randomize
