Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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