I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
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