why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
