Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
