dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
