Don't you send me to vm
There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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