Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
