It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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