Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
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