Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
