After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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