just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
I just forgot I was standing up.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
