I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
