If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
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