Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
