I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
