hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
