just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
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