C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
