im about as happy as oj after his trial
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
