Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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