After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
