Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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