im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Randomize
