i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Randomize
