yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
